There’s no eloquence to be found here tonight…

Just thoughts that came to mind throughout the day.

I lost her. She’s gone. This process has changed us all in profound ways, and I didn’t realize that what we had would be over. Maybe it’s not over-over, but it’s definitely over for now.

What we knew is gone.
There’s no guarantee it will ever return.
It might, but why get our hopes up and stay stuck, stagnant with longing.

There’s only pushing through, finding the new normal.
But goodness, I miss her.

He was so adorable.
This young spirit with the widest, whitest smile.

I just wanted to keep making him laugh so that I could see him grin again (and again). And it was worth all the silly things I said. Every single one.

But when I said I liked his smile, I wasn’t being silly.

Touch.

Missing it. Longing for it.
Needing it to sometimes makes sense of the space within, the parameters without.

Thankful for therapeutic touch with a focus on care, not just troubleshooting. Wondering how to make it a more periodic part of my life…

Because friends aren’t always available for Sunday snoozes.

Why do I throw pearls to swine?

It’s time to string each shiny piece to my strand – and let them shine how they will.

Because I will write what I need to write.
And people will read what they need to read.

I need to understand that assumptions will be made, because they’re based on personal filters – which area easier to support and much less work than forming and asking questions, and then processing answers.

It is the state of humanity.