Release me from this…

I don’t normally feel this way, but here it is. I am sure you understand it, being all-knowing, as I trust that you are…

I feel very much like I must have botched up this mission.

I am pretty sure that my call to love wasn’t supposed to get mixed up with this overwhelming sense of being in love.

And it’s harder and harder for me to separate the two: I’m distracted, balancing too many emotions, and the battle between my mind and my heart rages…rages…and I’m exhausted.

I realize that I shouldn’t even talk about it anymore with connections, because it gets harder to explain each time…

Can I please be released?

Understand that even asking for it breaks my heart, but I don’t know what else to do.

I know it’s weak and selfish…and I should be asking for more light+love, an endless supply so that I can endure, but that’s not what I have today.

What I have today – what I am today – is a woman alone, left ragged by big feelings.

And today, I am tired.

Maybe tomorrow, with the new day’s light, I will have it within me to ask for perseverance…

But today, I just want to be done.