He opened the conversation by trying to explain that he was on verge of change…
He could feel it; he was on the edge, the precipice.
Life was going to change, evolve…and he would be the better for it, more centered on his path, his purpose.
He was struggling to find the words, and I really did want to let him talk it out, but I KNEW EXACTLY what he was trying to say.
I looked at him – with delight, with kinship – and said, “You’re talking about a Phoenix Fase.”
Bare with me here…
(And yes, I meant bare; not bear.)
There are people in your life that are meant to be there.
Sure – you could say that about anyone, everyone, that touches your life.
But there’s an inner circle, and when you’re with those certain people, you’re your truer self somehow. Your centers resonate at a higher frequency when together – and it’s like your mind works overtime to honor the connection with creativity. And that connection is meant for…all the good things. Positive impact. It’s the kind of energy that changes the world.
Maybe you’re rolling your eyes at my calling it an “inner circle.”
Well, then. What do you call those people?
Soulmates? Kindred spirits?
Brothers from another mother? Sisters from another mister?
He stopped talking. And looked at me.
“Yes. Exactly. That’s perfect.”
His eyes were bright with the look admiration…
Words are my thing – figuring out “the how to say something,” the light+love of expression. That’s totally my thing. And I’m owning it more now than ever.
It’s my role. My purpose. And the more I give into it, the more I transition into my own Phoenix Fase.
*Keep in mind: Words are also his thing. We weave them differently, though. And that’s a good thing. I’m excited about his upcoming book release, and delighted that I have a small part in helping it come to fruition.
We fell into a deep conversation about life: the now and the upcoming. The pull towards purpose. The fight to rise above the mire. To be stronger and smarter, to think beyond, to breathe patience and offer kindness.
I felt the need to explain…
“It’s the phrase that came to mind at the turn of the new year. So many things were shifting, I could feel it pulling at me, challenging me to grow. And I was certain in my bones that the growth was going to be trial by fire – and that my life on the other side would be new, different. You remember my boyfriend at the time, right? I tried to tell him what was coming. That he needed to pull it together*, if he was going to make it with me to the other side.”
*Actual words used in the conversation might have been more…colorful, but you get the idea.
We shared a knowing grin.
“And to be honest, that phrase has been in my mind the whole year…but I haven’t brandished it much, well…because…,” I struggled with this bit and offered him my eyes – they could tell the story of the still-healing pain better than I could. “Well, let’s just say I am still working to free myself of the consequences of the verbal and emotional abuse.”
We shared a knowing look – but this time, didn’t grin.
“You look great,” she exclaimed.
My practice of Intermittent Fasting (IF) has shifted the landscape of my body.
And, when you’re 70+ pounds down, people can’t help but exclaim.
“I’m not trying to say you didn’t look good before. But you’re different now. You look fresh. Ready for a fresh start…” it was half-apology and half-prophetic declaration.
Yes. I am ready for a fresh start more than you know…
So open up my eyes to a new light
I wandered ’round your darkened land all night
But I lift up my eyes to a new high
And indeed there would be time
There is a time, a time to cry
A time to love, a time to live
There is a time, a time to sing
A time to love
*Lyrics from There Will Be Time by Mumford & Sons feat. Baaba Maal
At another time, with another inner-circle type friend, I tried to explain this feeling of nextness…
“Something’s coming. But I don’t know what. Different, in a big way. In a good way. I anticipate it with hope. And find myself feeling thankful that it’s not too late to hope; that I’m not too old to hope. That indeed, there is time.”
He spoke words of positivity into what I was trying to express – and I was thankful he had my back, even though I couldn’t be more clear.
So what’s next?
Well, I am not completely sure.
I know that it’s been a year of purging; a year of changing; of being challenged to consider intention, alignment, focus, quality – positive anticipation.
I’ve leaned into my purpose more than ever, as much as possible.
And I’ve seen a pattern of reclamation on the second side of the year…I’m being given the chance to rediscover and reclaim what is mine, what is me; the chance to make good on things that have been hanging out in the wind…waiting for me to get my act together.
I’m hoping that with each step in this process I’m living out, I’m walking towards my what’s next.
I’m hoping that this Phoenix Fase will usher me into a realm of light+love so unbelievably beautiful…that my time to cry will be over and that instead, it will be my time to sing.
And, my time to be a Digital Ninja.
(More on that later…)
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