I feel the need to escape.
What I really want is to move on from my living arrangements. I came to this place with a purpose, which at this point has been fulfilled. That means, I can leave anytime. And I feel the need to vacate as it sizzles my blood; it’s like fire ants in my pants. It’s been building – slowly – for sometime now; but just recently, it exploded in a hot rage of desperation.
And now, it seems that I cannot think of anything else.
And if I can’t be moving out this weekend, then I want to be away, on the road, separate from the existence that I fulfill in this place.
It would be a trip with built-in company.
These days, I almost always think about bringing the child; because I don’t expect his father to be available, to want to care for his son — and I try to save the inconvenience for when I’m scheduled to have adult-only time with other people. Otherwise, the child is welcome in my space.
I spoke with him today, to introduce the idea.
“Bubba, would you like to go on a roadtrip this weekend? I was thinking about going to the NC mountains.”
“Oh, yes, Mommy. That would be fun.”
Yes, my darling – I couldn’t agree more.
I will have to focus on a strict work/life balance in order to make this work. I need to make sure that I can get a good amount of work completed before I give myself up to the road – before I let my soul wander away from responsibility and play in the air of an open road.